Losing a loved one is a painful experience. It can affect every aspect of your life, the way you think, even the way you live. Without that person, the world can feel like yelling into a void that will never speak back. While some can grieve and get on with life, many more find grieving to be a lifelong process. For those that lie somewhere in between, grief counseling helps people recover from a traumatic loss for many years. Below you will find information on what a grief counselor does, information on the stages of grief, and some tips from grief counselors on getting through those stages.
What is a Grief Counselor?
Grief itself can feel like a monster lurking around the corner. You can try and hold those feelings in, but it is always watching and waiting for you to let your guard down and launch you back into that void where you remember your loss. A grief counselor is a blacksmith that forms a weapon and a shield fitted perfectly to your coping abilities.
In the most basic terms, a grief counselor helps a grieving person come to terms with their loss. They navigate those raw emotions, find where you may be in the process, and gently guide you on the journey through grief. Once they have found where you are in the process, they will help you understand what it feels like to move on and explain some activities you can do to help the process. Some patients find that talking to someone alone helps them process the loss in a way they couldn’t do on their own.
The Path to Acceptance
While it may seem hopeless, grief has shown trends that it follows. This is known as the five stages and the final stage is acceptance. You can check this link https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361 to learn more. The journey can be arduous and even painful at times but navigating it can make you a stronger person.
Denial is the first and hardest stage to get past. You know that the person is gone, but it is hard when they don’t feel gone. Their memory lives on with you and, especially if you interacted with them often, finding a way to navigate life without them in it can be as difficult as adjusting to any lifestyle change. Imagine denial like realizing you are allergic to your favorite food. At first, you may find it easy to go without, but slowly you begin to crave that comfort. You might seek out substitutes, but you have to admit that the loss has happened and begin to come to terms with it.
Denial leads to anger. Whether the death was sudden or a long fight, anger is common among the grieving. Once you have accepted that they are gone and we begin to feel this new way of life set in, it can make us angry that we must go through this change. You tried your hardest, fought for them, lived with them, but now they are gone, and that void can very quickly fill with anger.
Continuing the metaphor, once you have found the substitute foods are not working, you can become angry that your comfort is out of reach. You have gone years with this attachment and in a moment, it was torn away from you. Like a child with a toy, when something is suddenly taken away, humans become upset. It is a natural feeling.
Bargaining is the next stage. Like a child with a toy, we may bargain with our maker to bring the person back, just for a moment to say goodbye at least. The anger has subsided into a void again and bargaining is begging, pleading with the nothingness that will never answer.
The fourth stage of grief is depression. Those with clinical depression will understand how hopeless the void can feel when it comes. When the void closes around you, it can feel suffocating. Just remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is acceptance.When the burden of grief is lifted from your shoulders, it feels like you can breathe again.
Tips for Grief
Once we have accepted the loss of our loved ones, we can truly begin to live the life they would have wanted us to continue. Here are some tips for finding the easiest journey to acceptance, further explained below. Grieving is a natural process and one that we will all likely go through in our lifetime. Getting through this painful process can be eased by a grief counselor.
With denial, the best course of action is just the opposite. You may not be ready mentally to accept the death but accept that our minds use denial as a form of coping mechanism. You are not broken; you are going through an important process.
Anger and depression are both best expressed in positive ways. You could practice writing out your feelings or talking to loved ones. Positively expressing these emotions will let you acknowledge them and continue forward.
Bargaining should be treated similarly to denial. You must remind yourself that this is a coping mechanism and think of it positively. It is important to remember you are human and humans are allowed to feel emotions and weakness. Without emotion, we would not have evolved to the level we are now.